I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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