he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
