we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
