smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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