i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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