Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
