How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
