and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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