He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
