i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
