So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
