So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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