I faked an abortion last night.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
