Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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