I hate your face
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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