I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
