U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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