btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
