I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
