the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
