You're a womanizer and a bitch.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
