The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
