she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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