Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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