Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
