went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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