so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
