We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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