i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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