this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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