Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
