remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
