Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
