he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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