There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
