Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
