who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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