Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
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