You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
