i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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