youre lurking in front of me
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
