That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
