ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
