My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
