i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
