I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
