god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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