They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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