It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
