id be glad to
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
