before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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